


Fairy Dust

by morierblackleaf



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Implied Twincest, Inanimate Object Porn, M/M, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:06:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1237621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morierblackleaf/pseuds/morierblackleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a friend to make her laugh, this story is about Legolas discovering that his new crush, Aragorn, already has a lover. This story is utterly crackfic. Contains explicit sexual content and inanity! Seriously, it was all just a bunch of in-jokes between her and me, but I'm posting it because maybe someone will get a giggle out of it.</p>
<p>I own none of these characters and make no money from writing about them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fairy Dust

On his first morning in Imladris, Legolas walked down the hallway in the Last Homely House, thinking of the buttered scones the staff had served at breakfast, and very much wishing he had pocketed a few for later, when he heard strange sounds emanating from one of the doors he passed. Recognizing that he was in the family hall of Elrond’s massive house, the Wood-Elf crept to the door to listen and the sounds grew louder as he approached.

“…Elladan!” came a surprised shout from inside the room.

_That is Elrohir’s voice,_ Legolas decided, stepping closer to the door and pressing his ear against it. He felt like an eavesdropper listening to what the twins were doing, but his curiosity bested him and the Wood-Elf stood motionless while waiting for more sounds.

A yelp of pain, preceded by the smack of something against flesh, erupted from within the room. “You have been a very bad Elf,” the Prince could hear Elladan tell his twin. “You should not have told Ada that it was I who replaced Erestor’s wine with swill from the pigsty!”

“It wasn’t I, brother,” Elrohir began, though his explanation was cut off with another slap of skin against skin. “It wasn’t … I didn’t…” Several more loud smacks later, the younger twin had given up trying to explain.

_I hope that Elladan is not hurting Elrohir too badly,_ the Prince thought and wrung his hands together in worry, though he soon wondered if Elrohir cared that his brother spanked him.

The younger Elf had begun to whimper, changing his story with a groan, “Elladan. It was I who told Ada. It was I! I am a bad Elf!”

The Prince suddenly wished very much that he could open the great door, for he wanted to see inside to learn what had the caused the younger twin’s yelps of pain to become moans of pleasure. In an attempt to hear more of the goings on inside the twins’ parlor, the Wood-Elf pressed harder against the door, but in doing so, he pushed the slightly ajar portal into its frame, resulting in an audible click of the metal lock catching in its jamb.

“Did you hear that, Elrohir?” the elder twin asked.

Legolas quickly walked further down the hallway so that he would not be noticed by the Noldor who were obviously engaged in some personal dispute or a bit of fun. _Elrond’s family is strange indeed!_

But before he had walked several doors down the hallway, he heard more bizarre sounds, though this time, it was a single voice moaning loudly behind the closed door.  _This is Aragorn’s bedroom,_ the Wood-Elf knew, for he had already made note of the Ranger’s room that morning for the coming night. Casting a glance behind him to be sure that the twins had not exited their room to see who had caused their door to clank, Legolas then moved closer to the Ranger’s door, desirous to know what entertainment the human was finding.

“Oh,” the Ranger moaned from within. “Larry…”

_LARRY?_ Legolas growled low in his throat, the very idea of the Ranger having another lover making the Prince feel like murdering whoever was with Aragorn in the human’s bedroom just then. He had already decided to claim the human for himself.

A loud, short grunt was followed by a faint whisper from Estel, saying, “Larry…my beautiful wood...”

_Wood? He is in there with another Wood-Elf?_ the laegel surmised.  _A Wood-Elf named Larry?_ Unable to stop himself, the Prince threw open the door, his jealousy roused to think of the Ranger with another Wood-Elf; however, upon flinging open the door, the Prince saw only Aragorn, lying on the bed completely naked, writhing on top of the sheets, with a block of wood stuck between his legs.

“Larry,” the human said again, thrusting his groin into the rough bark of the small log.

His mouth falling open in surprise, Legolas stepped quietly into the room and closed the door behind him, none of which Aragorn noticed in his passion. Abruptly, the Ranger stopped his writhing and let the log fall free from between his legs, exposing his very well endowed nether regions to the Prince.

“Oh,” the Ranger moaned, holding his hand to his shaft as he inveighed, “you always hurt me, Larry!”

Shutting his mouth with a snap while wondering about the human’s sanity, Legolas cleared his throat, which finally garnered Aragorn’s attention. “What in Middle Earth are you doing, Estel?”

Although he blushed a bright color that matched his cheery, rubicund manhood, the human was not at all embarrassed to explain, “We were having a wonderful time. But he always hurts me!” the Ranger whined pitifully, holding his erection in a tight grip.

“Hurts you? You were humping a piece of wood, Estel! How did you not think that would hurt?” Legolas walked further into the room, his own skin blooming with a flush, though it was purely lust that made the Elf’s flesh burn.

“He is not a piece of wood,” the Ranger moaned. Aragorn loosed his hold of his shaft to grab the log of firewood with a free hand. Dragging the block closer to his chest, the human whispered to it, “Don’t listen to him, Larry.”

_He talks to it as if it were a real lover!_

Legolas shook his head in confusion. “How are you hurt?”

“Splinters!” the human told him, pointing to his shaft, wherein were stuck several remnants of his attempt at making love to Larry.

Thinking quickly, the Wood-Elf strode purposefully to the bed and gingerly removed the log of wood from Aragorn’s hands, as if out of respect for the human’s lover. “I will help you. Do not fret.”

Undoing the clasp of his cloak, Legolas let the cloth fall to the floor while he quickly tugged his tunic open and off his shoulders as well, throwing it to the bed so he could reach it later. While the Ranger looked on, the Prince yanked his boots off his feet, making a quick show of yanking off his breeches, as well, and climbed onto the bed.

“I don’t see why you need to be naked to help me remove these splinters,” the human said warily, glancing towards Larry as if listening to the log’s rejoinder.

Eager to show the Ranger that the silly block of wood was no match in sexual prowess to a Wood-Elf, Legolas retrieved from his tunic the fairy dust he carried there for exactly such  _medical_  emergencies and the strawberry flavored lubricant from his other pocket, which he carried there for exactly such  _carnal_  emergencies. The former he held up for the Ranger’s inspection, while the latter he placed on the bed beside his knee.

“This will take the sting out of those wounds,” he told the Ranger of the fairy dust, and smiling, the Wood-Elf tried to release the envelope. However, as he tore open the package, the flimsy paper ripped open too widely in an explosion of fairy dust. The magical powder flew about the room and directly into Legolas and Aragorn’s faces.

“My eyes!” the human screamed, rubbing at the glittery powder that painted his face.

Unable to see, but guessing just what the human was doing, Legolas ordered, smacking at where he thought the Ranger’s arms to be but finding only air, “Don’t rub your eyes! You’ll just make them worse.”

The Ranger sighed, though, and said, “At least the splinters do not hurt any longer. But I can’t see and this dust burns!”

Legolas would not let a silly thing like being unable to see stop him from giving the Ranger a good and proper hump, so Legolas just fumbled around the bed, searching for the human’s body. What his hand found instead, though, was the phial of lube.  _No point in dallying around. He is already on the verge anyway from his wooden lover!_ the Elf decided, uncapping the phial and then inhaling the sweet smell of strawberries.

“Where are you, Legolas? Where’s Larry?”

With the oil in hand, the Wood-Elf felt clumsily around the bed until his hand brushed across the Ranger’s leg. He ascertained that Aragorn was not far away and crawled up the bedspread so that he was straddling the surprised human’s hips. Sliding his strawberry oil lubed hand over the Ranger’s manhood, which stood at full attention, the Prince earned a shocked interjection from the human, who asked, “What of Larry?”

“Forget about that ridiculous log! I am a much better lover.” And with this, the Elf sat down upon the Ranger’s shaft, filling himself with the poor human’s unsuspecting manhood in a single swoop.

“But Larry can see us,” the human complained, blinking away the fairy dust, even though it did not help him in seeing the block of wood – or anything, for that matter.

Hissing at the pleasure and the pain, Legolas took no time in squirming his own body and hands over Aragorn’s body, teasing the stricken human into forgetting what he was complaining about, for soon the Ranger was moaning Legolas’ name, not Larry’s.

“You are certainly softer than Larry,” the Ranger murmured, thrusting his hips upward off the bed as he met each of Legolas’ thrusts downward.

The Wood-Elf, grinning down at Aragorn without truly seeing him, nodded his agreement before he began to move more quickly and rocked back and forth on the Ranger’s shaft. Up and down he went, frantic in his effort to show the human that he was a better lover than Larry was, until Legolas could take no more, and he cried out loudly in a garbled scream of pleasure as his orgasm forced his body to clench upon the Ranger’s body. Letting loose his own cry, Estel soon found his own peak. The tired Wood-Elf collapsed to the bed.

For a few moments, the Elf and Ranger laid there, wiping at their bleary eyes as the fairy dust finally left them, allowing them to see again. Suddenly, the human seized his manhood, fondling himself for a moment before he exclaimed, “It didn’t hurt!”

Rolling off the bed to stand upright beside it, Legolas looked around for the offending piece of wood that he knew would be about somewhere. “That is right. No splinters on your lovely manhood and never again will you have need for this,” the Elf said. Taking Larry from the floor where he had fallen from the bed sometime during the Elf and Ranger’s robust passion, Legolas hefted the wooden block in hand, his jealousy making him say, “You, Larry… you are no longer needed here!” With this, the Wood-Elf threw the Ranger’s ex-lover into the fireplace with a gleeful snicker.

Aragorn looked properly horrified for a few moments as he watched his wood block lover burn in the fireplace; however, the Ranger then glanced to Legolas, back to the fireplace, and then back to Legolas, shrugging his shoulders and saying, “Eh, he always gave me lip about being a quick lay, anyway, and he never seemed to enjoy it. And I suppose if you won’t hump me as often as I need, there are plenty of trees in the forest.”

Although Legolas said nothing, he thought,  _Then I will be humping aplenty, for I will not share my Ranger!_ Laying himself back down on the quilt beside the human, where Aragorn was already eying the wooden bed frame with a lusty expression on his face, Legolas shook his head, wondering where he would procure enough strawberry flavored lubricant. 


End file.
